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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

apparently im old and no effing fun, but i dont really give a rats ass ;)

is it wrong that I want to celebrate at MY home for NYE??????

i do not want to pack up myself and 2 children to go spend the night over at Mr. Man's sisters house.  on the couch, or the floor, or whatever tiny uncomfortable space they find for me.

im not sure why this is such a fucking problem, but apparently, it is. 

too bad, i invited friends to my house.  thats where im spending the evening.

i work all day that day. 

i do not want to go home, rush around just to drive 45 minutes back the other direction to go stay there. 

sorry, i suck like that. 

so, now i have no idea if i am kissing Mr. Man at midnight or not, but I do know that when i get ready to pass out into an alcohol induced slumber, it WILL BE in my bed, in my house. 

anyway, im gonna have lots of fun & drunken times tomorrow night, and i wish all the same for the rest of you.... 

as some unknown source says, "I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter???"


and cheers to you all!!!!!!!!

HAPPY EFFIN NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 28, 2009

365 blog?

thinkin about doing a 365 project

yanno...  one of those 1 pic a day for 365 days type thingies? 

im not sure i could handle it.  lol. 

anyone out there do them??????  do you actually keep up with em? 

also......  do any of the rest of you when you see 365 have the damn "disney 3-6-5" theme run thru your head?
no, just me???  oh that suuuuuuuuucks. 

oooooooo, im goin shoppin!!!!!!!

I'm so excited!!!!!!!

I won one of the $50 off $100 Old Navy coupons from Laurie!!!!!!! 

AAAAANNNNNNDDDDDDD, I got a free $50 from gramma for Christmas -- bonus!!!!!

Soooooo.......  who has two thumbs and is hittin the Old Navy at lunchtime today?????????

This chick :)

CanNOT wait....  I do so looooooove to shop!!!!

Thanks so much Laurie!!!!!  :)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

out of the mouths of babes....

last friday, when we were getting ready to head to E's preschool for her christmas program, she says to me...

"um, mom....  i think you are gonna have to sit in the bwock cenner" (thats block center for anyone that cares)

I say, "ok, well, i will sit where ever Miss J and Miss A tell me too"

she says "well, ok.  but mom, i think you will have to sit in one of our chairs.  they are small.  i think you will break it"

I say " *blink blink*

kid, you are lucky you are so damn cute.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

merry christmas all :)


from me & mine to you and yours!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

i laughed...... almost til i peed.

oh, last night.

the boyfriend arrives at the house. and the conversation that immediately ensues still makes me giggle now.

Me: Foods on the stove

BF: Gonna make me a bowl of chili?

Me: WTF? Are your arms broke? I cooked it. Aint that enough?

BF: Jeeze, ok fine. Get me the cheese & sour cream.

Me: (as I'm getting this stuff out and not really looking at whats there cuz I know where what I'm gettin is at) Good Lord, you arent even gonna taste the damn chili for all the CRAP you put in it.

Me: HAHA not very much sour cream left. Serves you right.

BF: Whats that next to the ranch?

Me: There is no more sour cream.


Me: Did you buy so....... OMG. You did buy me new perfume! Thank you! Now when the fuck did you put that in there? When did you open the fridge? WTF?

BF: Bet you feel like an ass now huh????

Me: laughing so hard I now have to cross my legs. and there is no sound. just shaking, red face, and tears

BF: Go ahead. Pee. You KNOW you wanna. Moms do that sometimes. Come on. Piddle. Right there on the floor. Go on.

Me: still laughing so hard i cant breathe.

BF: Jerk. (walks away and sits down to eat)

...5 minutes later...

Me: Whew. ok, so yea, im kind of a jerk. right on.

BF: Bet you feel like a fucking ass now huh?

Me: No, not really. And its gonna be damned funny to tell this one.

So yea, there ya go, I laughed, almost til i peed.

It was nice, it was like my BF was back to being the awesome guy he was at the beginning....


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

i need to vent

i need to vent and its not gonna be pretty. i understand if no one wants to actually read this. lol.

ive been at my job for over 9 years.
i started as a little pee-on secretary, and now im one of the big bitches in the office.
its been a fun journey.
my boss (the owner) has been a really decent boss. he's paid for my tuition to go to school, he paid me short term disability when i was on maternity leave even though he didnt have too, he floated me an advance last year when i was in a bad bind, and countless other things that he has done over the years to just generally make him like one of the best people to work for ever.

but then shit started changing.

i havent had a raise in 3 years.

he piles on more work, and i get zero credit or compensation for it. its not like i need my head patted, but for christ's sake, pay a bitch for what she does, ok?

and this year, he's fucking over everyone.

he took away our short term disability benefit. and its not like that was to save money, cuz he's self insured, so it doesnt cost him anything unless there is a claim.

he increased the deductibles on our insurance, and didnt tell anyone. then he says, well it doesnt matter because the company is picking up the difference anyway (its a HDHP with an HRA). THEN, when he finds out he fucked up and didnt increase the amount with the HRA people, then he says, well, too bad. Employee is on the hook for the difference.

THIS MEANS I NOW HAVE TO PAY $3000 OUT OF MY POCKET EVERY YEAR FOR INSURANCE. not counting drugs, not counting premiums. NO, thats $3k before the insurance picks up a fucking dime. up until july, my out of pocket was only $1500.

in order to get short term disability, i have to have another $60 a month taken out of my pay to purchase an outside plan.

so now working here is costing me more than ever before.

to make matters worse?

i was doing some work research in some of our personnel files looking for something for that asshat i call a boss. i was in the file of the person that did my job before me. and only did maybe 1/4th of the things i have on my job description (no lie).....

THAT MOTHER FUCKER WAS BEING PAID TWICE WHAT I MAKE. twice. and thats just the base salary. with his former salary, i would NET more than i GROSS in a fucking year.

that doesnt include the 5% of annual profits he received as a bonus.
that doesnt include the car the company provided.
that doesnt include the gas the company put in the car.
that doesnt include the insurance on the car the company paid for.
that doesnt include the internet connection he had at home that the company paid for.
that doesnt include any of the other perks this asshole received.

and i have 3x the amount of education in this field than that fucker had.

im so pissed off about the things going on in this place right now, its all i can do not to cry sitting at my desk.

i feel like all im getting is shit on.

i know the grass isnt always greener on the otherside, but COME ON, fair pay for equal work much??????


ok, sorry for laying that on ya. but, fuck. i had to get it out somewhere.

to anyone still reading.... thanks. wuv you. :)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

conversations with a 4 year old...

the other morning on the way to drop my children off for the day, we were discussing a trip to the movies we had made back in April.

see, my kids remember odd shit at random. its quite amusing...... SOMETIMES, not all the time. luckily this is one of those times its hilarious.

anyway, they are talking about the candy they had and where they sat and what movie it was.

E (my 4 year old) says: But mom, I didnt want to sit up at the top.

Me: E, we didn't sit at the top for that movie. We sat at the top when we went to see 17 again.

E: ooohhhhhhh. And WHY did we go see *DAT* movie?

Me: Because it had your boyfriend Zac Effron in it.


M: OMG E, you are only FOUR!!!

E: What?!?!?! He so IS Mom. WEALLY.

a few minutes pass.

E: Mom, sewiouswy, I just wanted to jump wite in dat movie and kiss him. For weal. I did.

At this point, Im just totally dumbfounded and lack the skills to form a complete sentence. I just say "Oh My" and leave it at that.

I really wish I would have had the camera with me at that moment to capture the "for weal" face. Cuz, seriously, it really really puts an ! at the end of it.

Oh. My.

I'm so screwed being the single mother of 2 girls. Especially when they hit puberty and become TEENAGERS.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

30.... ick. seriously?!?!?!?!

yea, so in about 65 days i turn 30.

im so not happy about this, i dont even have the words to describe it.

like, stupid shit...

ill have to check the 30-35 box.
im no longer "in my twenties"
im like an adult, for real (nevermind that ive been a mom since before i hit 20, or that ive owned a house for 4 years by myself thankyouverymuch, or that ive been in the same job for 9 years, or any of that other grown up shit)

i feel like i totally dont have shit together and that im totally not prepared to be THIRTY.

god, i can remember being my daughters age and thinking 30 was SO OLD.

guess what... that hasnt changed! LMAO just kidding.

but, jeeze.

ive accomplished quite a bit in my life, but i somehow, dont feel like ive done quite enough.

ive got 2 beautiful kids.
i fought their piece of shit father tooth and nail, legally, until i won and got whats best for them
i put myself through college as a single mom
i finished college and got an AS, BBA, and an MBA
i went BACK to school and am working on 2 post-grad certificates
ive been with the same company for 9 years and worked my way up from the lowest secretary on the payroll to being in charge of a whole lot of shit and even get to act as "president" when big man is incognito
i bought my own house, and its a nice house
i have KICK ASS friends
i think i have mostly been able to keep my kids stable and sane

i know most people dont get that much crap done in their 20's. especially not most single moms.

and i know, im being totally STUPID.

but, WTF. i cant seem to stop obsessing over the fact that ill be THIRTY. ugh.

maybe its NOT that... maybe its just that my oldest child is gonna be TEN. TEN. like a whole freakin decade old. i swear it was just yesterday i was ejecting her 9lb 3oz ass outta my netherregions.


ok, im done now ;)

funnier shit tomorrow. i hope. lol.

Monday, August 3, 2009

i think i can, i think i can, i think i can....

i know, i know, i sound like that annoying ass choo choo train (yes, im a grown ass woman that said choo choo train instead of just train. whats your point???).

but, seriously, i have to get it thru my thick skull one way or another.

i have to get off my ever expanding ass and work the fuck out again. i HAVE to.

june / july 2008 --- i was the smallest i had been in my life at about a buck 70. yea, i didnt even weigh that little in friggen high school.

somehow, flashback to NOW.... yea, fucking scale saying bad bad things to me.

so i had to destroy it with a large sledge hammer and lots of screaming and saying "LIIAAAARRRRRRR" but whatev.....

so seriously, last year, my dad had a heart attack. shortly after i happened to go in for a check up, BP happened to be high that day, went for bloodwork and ta-da find out i have high cholesterol. yea. thats right. i was 28.

so my doc tells me to start exercising, take my pill, and lose weight. tells me to eat 1000 cals a day. gives me basically a speeder to help me on my journey.

apparently the stars were aligned JUST SO back then, because i started working out that day, ate 1000 calories and dropped literally 25lbs in about a month.

i looked great, i felt great, life was good.

i have no fucking idea what happened. i cant put my finger on it.

but somehow, ive gone back to size 14/16. i look like shit, i feel like shit, and UGH. i cant seem to find the motivation to DO anything about it.

im even postponing my annual doctor trip because i dont wanna hear her bitch at me. cuz i KNOW IM WRONG.


oh, and did i mention that my dad had another heart attack this year? (hes fine). and that while its opening HIS eyes to what he should do in life (he leaves on a 3 week cross country motorcycle tour next week! yay him!!!)..... im still all "meh, whatev. its not me".

yea, again i say WTF?????

so, i did get off my ass yesterday, though, and do a workout dvd. im hoping i can stick with it for 30 days. thats all im going for right now. its the 30 day shred dvd, and i wanna do the 30 days.

fuck, id be happy at this point if i can do 7. ive done 5 here and there, but i havent made it past that in God knows how long. so, hey, 7 days. then 7 more. right????

but, seriously, where can i find the damn motivation and determination to JUST DO IT??????? i know how good it feels, i know its something i need to do to ensure im here for my kids, i know all the common sense crap.

but how do i stop shutting that bitch up and listening to her??????

eeeeeeekkkkkk....... ok, its lunch time now... today im gonna try something different that i havent done in a year. im not going to eat. im going to go WALK on the bike trail instead of just sit in the parking lot watching them while i read a book and eat a big fat steak and cheese sub. YEA!!!!!

wish me luck ok?????????

Monday, July 20, 2009


ive been dating my boyfriend for like 3 and a half years.

it started off beautifully. but now, not so much.

i let him embed himself in my life & my kids' lives. thinking that he would step up to the plate and be man and make full commitment to me & them - to be a husband and a father.

but, now, im not thinking so.

we've argued about it, and im tired of arguing.

im bitter.

im a bitch.

and it just grates on my nerves all the time.

how can you sit there and "act" like a dad, but yet not be willing to actually make a commitment to these 2 kids that you CLAIM to love?


im thinking that im about to pull the plug on the whole operation.

im tired of waiting.

im tired of being an outsider.

im just fucking tired.

and my kids??? they deserve fucking better.

anyone got advice???? whatcha think????

random ass stuff...

random shit is running thru my head...

i really need to mow my yard

i wonder if my doc would give me antidepressants

i wonder if i actually NEED them, or if im being a big ol sissy ass

my 4 year old kills me. she fancies herself married to another 4 year old boy at the sitters house.

i think someone paid my internet bill... cuz it didnt work last week, and i KNOW i havent paid it....
my best friend is awesome.

im so glad her pregnancy is healthy & that the heartbeat was heard today!!!!

i cant wait til all of my prego friends have their babies. i need a baby fix.

i need money.

i really need to find a lucrative way to work from home and spend more time with the kids.

damn daycare is expensive.

i wish my boyfriend wasnt an ass. seriously, is commitment THAT fucking difficult?

wait, do i even WANT that commitment????


i want some grape salad.

i need a life.

people, in general, suck.

im still blown away by the fact that my boss's kid (who is an employee) was playing with a fucking bouncy ball in the fucking office. WTF.

and sooooooooooo much more....

Thursday, July 9, 2009

TMI THURSDAY....i dont know....but she's pretty....

***Alright, folks, you know LiLu’s rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

The most MORTIFYING moment in my life....

I had been seeing a guy for a few months... We went out and got F'd up big time one night.... Went back to his house (read: his parents house where he lived in the basement), and, ahem, proceeded to get our freak on ALLLLLL night long (gotta love alcohol induced sex)…

Anyway, after an hour or two of sleep, we wake up and are gettin all crazy-like again.

The door to his room is open.

His parents are up.

Oh no, just wait, it gets better.

Just as its about to get really fun, we hear someone on the stairs.

Its his MOM.

And she just walks right on in…

So here I am covered with nothing but a sheet, look like a totally hot mess after a night of monkey sex and drinking, trying to hide under a pillow…. While she stands next to the bed RUBBING MY LEG and talking to her son.

Oh, lets make matters worse shall we???

The phone rings, she answers, its his SISTER.

(note: we had gone out drinking with his sister a few weeks prior to that, and had an absolute BALL. So, shes familiar with me…)

So as his mom stands there next to the bed (still rubbing my leg) talking to his sister on the phone and him laying there… the following conversation goes on:

Mom: “oh hi sis. Im not doing much. Just standing here in brothers room. He has a girl in his bed”

Sister says something to the effect of, “a girl??? Who is she???”

Mom: “oh, I have no idea yet, but shes really pretty”

That sound you hear right now?? Yea, that’s me……… DYING.

To which Mister Man responds “tell her its kitty in bed with me” (kitty being the nickname I earned for drinking like a fish the night we went out with his sister ala Kitty Dukakis).

So yea, now, the man, sister & mom proceed to talk about me and who I am, like im not even there…. Which, I preferably would NOT have been, given a choice.

Three and a half years later, its still a story for family parties

Monday, June 22, 2009

mom... mom... mom... mommy.... mom....

i had a candle party once...

one of my guests was my boyfriend's sister. another guest was his mother.

the sister is 38.

but, sitting, oh, i dont know........ maybe 10 feet apart from each other, you would have thought she was FRICKEN TWO.

for like 5 minutes, while Moms was having a convo with someone else, ol Sister is all "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom...."

i could NOT freakin believe it.

kinda reminded me of this:

yea. WTF.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

some people should NOT be allowed to breed

so i have 2 kids right... love them to pieces, they are absolutely my life.

they both have the same dad.

dad (aka sperm donor) is a LOOOOOSER.... i myself was a total fucking moron for ever getting involved, but since i have beautiful babies, we'll just move right on past that...

so anyhoo.....

my babies are 9.5 and 4. and 1.5 years ago sperm donor decided to sign off his rights on the kids. seriously. i had to have a family member "adopt" them so that this POS could walk away free and clear....


so much the better for us, honestly, but still... who DOES that???

oh, and the best part? yea, he has 3 kids older than my two, and another one YOUNGER.


i just found out about that #6 (for those not counting...) the other day, thru the wonderful world of myspace...

i was floored. though, not really surprised. now, i just totally realize that it really WAS all about the money and the skank bitch he was cheating on me with.

sweet right???

oh well, eventually the karma train will run his ass the hell over, and i will sit back and laugh...