...one CrazyAssMomma...

POST IT NOTE TUESDAY!!!!!! i probably have no friends....

2010-07-20T15:44:00.000-05:00

if im gonna make any kind of comeback...... supah and her bomb-shizzle PINT is the way to go.....

ahem,

oh,

like way bad, like WOAH.

sometimes, i just shake my head, for hours at a time. dumbfounded.

and various "search jobs here" sites can #suckit.

but really, seeing as how i am gainfully employed, i cannot bitch too much. i have friends that are having the same problem finding employment, and they need it way more than i do.

so yes, i acknowledge, my problems are small.

yummmmm

go see supah!!!!!

retail therapy..... yes, please!

2010-04-14T11:56:00.000-05:00

im in a HORRIBLE mood.

the kind that makes you want to guzzle a bottle of goose at 9am.

and my pocketbook took a hit in VEGAS over the weekend, so im trying to control my retail therapy urge.

enter corrinrenee............

TA-DA!

shes doing a LET'S SHOP series..... annnnnnnnndddddddddd.......

since A) i really really really REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLY love to shop, and B) i really really really REEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLYYYYYY love sandals..... here i is.

i love shoes. period.

i ESPECIALLY love summer shoes -- sandals.

and i also love skechers.

so, from sketchers, i want:

Women's Cyclers - Established $39.00

SKECHERS Cali - SKECHERS Cali - Style #36475

Women's Heatwave – Taipei $35.00

SKECHERS Cali - SKECHERS Cali - Style #37015

aaannnnnndddddddd

Women's Rumblers - Home Run $38.00

SKECHERS Cali - Sandals - Style #37416

and, really, lets be honest, every other damn pair of sandals they have, as long as they are NOT those shape ups or whatever theyre called. i cannot go there.

and, of course, if i had limitless money and such, i would also love to have the following, just to start:

Rodano by

Stella Turq by

Esme by

Mya by

Aquatalia by Marvin K.

Ivy by

Faryl Robin

what do YOU really really really really want?????? fill your shopping cart and link up with Corrinrenee!

#PINT: POST IT NOTE TUESDAY!!!!!!!!

2010-03-23T13:23:00.001-05:00

It's POST IT NOTE day!

on twitter use:

#pint

ive missed this so much, its soooooo damn fun!!!!!!!!

go do it!!!!!!!!!!

im the worst blogger ever. sorry friends.

2010-03-18T09:52:00.000-05:00

holy crap. its been almost 2 months since ive posted ANYthing??????

good lord, i suck at this.

im so overwhelmed with life and work and trying to be a skinny bitch that ive been neglecting all of my online peeps. i sowwy. i weally weally am.

part of the reason i havent been on here, is because ive been feeling very negative. i havent wanted to unleash that on any unsuspecting readers. im generally pissed off these days.

and i really didnt wanna drop that on all of your laps.

unfortunately, though, i dont know where else to turn right now. i need to vent and get advice, and idk where to go.

so, if you dont want to read any further on this post, i TOOOOOOOOOTALLY understand. but if you do, feel free to drop some advice when you're done :)

Rant #1:

'Member me talkin about wanting to go to Vegas? Well, I booked the trip. I will definitely be going...... sans boyfriend. And he had the NERVE to get PISSED OFF at me!!! What!?!?!?!?!? I politely told him to pound sand, but it still pisses me off. He told me I should have asked him again before I booked it. I told him that I wasnt going to beg. That he was just S.O.L. Whatever. its not like he would have changed his damn mind anyway. ARGH.

Rant #2.... And heres where I need advice:

Ok, at work....... I kind of got a project dumped in my lap about 2 years ago that has been my baby since. its been pretty ruthless and a lot of work, and is still in progress. ive spent countless hours doing research and writing things and just working on this project (its a new safety program). A few weeks ago, one of our guys got cited for a safety violation at a customer site, and our system was called on the carpet. my new program has been a big hit, and actually saved our asses from really hot water. myself, the manager of the service department, and the service supervisor guy have been working with said customer to help add things to our system that they would like to see. which is awesome.

now, the goddamn service manager is like trying to cut me out of the picture. hes not copying me on conversations and "forgetting" to let me know shit. then the other day, he calls me up and says that hes just about done with another procedure for me to add to the program. im like WHAT? who's doing that? hes like, well, *Lucy* and I. I'm like, um WTF is LUCY doing with MY program????? and WHO TF are YOU to do this behind my back? this is MY effing JOB.

this is not unusual behavior for this manager. its like a power thing to him. i just dont know exactly how to handle it. i dont know exactly how to approach the situation and tell him, look, asshole, this is MY EFFING PROJECT that I have worked on for OVER TWO YEARS. you do NOT get to bring people in on MY project without MY knowledge and consent.

What I WANT to say: IM the one that worked 80 fucking hours to appease the customer the week our guy got in trouble. IM the one thats doing all the goddamn work. IM the one thats gone to countless different safety meetings in the last two years, IM the one that attends the seminars, IM the one that write the procedures, IM the one that has to fix it when its broken. SO YOU dont get to decide SHIT here. IM THE GODDAMN CORPORATE SAFETY COORDINATOR. YOU bow to ME fucker.

so, what the hell do i do? going to MY boss is out of the question.

POST-IT NOTE TUESDAY!!!!!!!!! woot! woot!

2010-01-26T15:13:00.000-06:00

JOIN SUPAH IN ONE OF THE MOST FUN MEMES EVAH!!!!!

Thats it!!!!!!!!

go see SUPAH!!!!!

do the same thing!!!!!!

take a long walk...

2010-01-25T20:21:00.000-06:00

off a short fuckin pier.

thats what i want to tell him.

one of my BFF's for the last 20 years wants to go to Vegas for her 30th in April. she's invited me and Mr. Man to join her & her hubby & two other couples.

I SOOOOOOOOOOOO WANT TO GO.

hes kind of being a dick about it though.

see, he goes to vegas every year with his brother & another friend. theyve gone like every year for like 18 years or some shit.

i, however, NEVER go ANYwhere. ANYWHERE.

ive been asking him to take me to vegas, just for a couple of days, for monnnnnnnnnths.

i asked him again the other day. he, instead, tells me if i have X amount of dollars, he will cash in his frequent flyer miles and send my kids & i to disney. JUST my kids and me. NOT HIM.

WTF asshat????

now, i tell him that i want us to go to vegas with my girl & the crew for the bday celebration.

he got suuuuuuuuuuuper pissy with me about it.

"see, ive been to vegas once or twice" he says "and when you go with groups like that, it just sucks"

im all.........um, we dont have to be with the GROUP the whole fucking time. we can go and DO things. you know TOGETHER?????

and hes like, we'll talk about it.

fuck talk. book the tickets & the fucking room.

am i wrong if i go without him? yes, ill be the only one stag. but, WTF? i cannot sit here forever waiting for him to want to fucking do something that I want to do.... right??!?!?!?!?

help me out here.....

if you were in my position, would you go without him?

what makes me happy?!?!?!?!?!

2010-01-21T20:57:00.000-06:00

my buddy DesertRose gave me an award!

and i, personally, think its pretty bad ass :)

so i guess now i have to decide what makes me happy.

and you know what??? this is no small feat at all.

im not really a negative person, but i can bitch with the best of em.

anyhoosits.... lets see what i can come up with

1. my kids when they are healthy and happy and NOT fighting.

2. STARBUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. my blog friends. i heart you.

4. my brand spankin new laptop that i FINALLY treated myself to.

5. summer

6. sun

7. vacation days

8. my IRL bff

9. greys & private practice

10. my family

well, that wasnt really as hard as i thought. lol.

i could actually go on and on and on and on and on and on... and you get the fricken picture.

lmao.

NOW, i have to tag 10 of you.

dont be mean, i dont care if you like awards or not, but i like YOU so just take it and like it.

and lemme tell ya something, this part... narrowing it down to 10? yea, not so fuckin easy.

hugs & love to you all.

What I Meant to Say Wednesday

2010-01-20T14:01:00.000-06:00

Oh! Its mah favorite day of the week!!!!

Squeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

You should do this too!!!!! its ohsomuchfun!!!!!!!!

Go see Chief and getcha a button and join in!!!!!!!

(good grief, those !!!!!!!!!!! are annoying as shit. lmao)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

to the cashier at fashion bug that told me the 2 pairs of shoes that i bought, that are exactly the same style just different colors, are not the same price because they are different colors?

i said, "oh, um, well ok then"

what i meant to say was:

thats the stupidest fucking thing ive ever heard. seriously a THIRTEEN dollar price difference because one pair is black and the other is brown??????? your pricing people suck.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

to my non-regular sandwich artist at subway, i didnt say anything other than my order to you....

what i meant to say.....

you suck. gimme back my girl. she makes my sammich the bestest.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, thats all i got fer now.........

Ill be back tomorrow.... Miss Desert Rose gave me an award & I gotsta get on that!!!!!!!!

till then my lovelies, go see Chief!!!!!

raising awareness....

2010-01-15T16:47:00.000-06:00

can you guys do me a favor today?

can you go here and read the story?

and then help in anyway you can?

thanks.

i love ya for it.

get the word out. it may save some lives.

What I Meant to Say Wednesday - Round 2!

2010-01-13T11:56:00.000-06:00

Go see Chief!

do it NOW!

Join in this awesomeness

-------------------------------------------------

When I said thats cool about your upteenmillion boxes of cookies sold because you asked me how many we had sold, i lied.

what i meant to say?

REALLY??????? ITS THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU????? Well hooray for you and your cookie selling abilities. Im so thrilled and proud of you.

-------------------------------------------------

When I said I'm sorry that I sent my kid that had unbeknownst to me been exposed to the flu to preschool and then you end up sick 6 days later BLAMING ME, I meant it, but I really wanted to add:

Lifes a bitch. When you have kids that are around other kids, it fucking happens. Get over it. Or go live in a bubble. It sucks, I know. I FUCKING LIVED IT too. WTF? Am I supposed to keep my kid home everytime i think she *MIGHT* get sick??????? Uh, yea, single parent here.... have to fucking work sometime. kthanksbye.

-------------------------------------------------

Ok, so maybe I'm a little testy today???? These two things just rubbed me way wrong today.

Yikes.

Anyway, Go see Chief. For Realz.

POST-IT NOTE TUESDAY: F the Flu edition

2010-01-12T09:35:00.001-06:00

Supah runs this awesome Post-It Note Tuesdays and I wanted to join the fun

and on with the shoooooooowwwww

my first ever.... FRIDAY FRUSTRATIONS

2010-01-08T22:38:00.000-06:00

i have been bogged down with homework and a sick kid and just life in general so, i went looking for something easy-peasy to do tonight... and i found this.....

FRIDAY FRUSTRATIONS

hoo-ray. i get to vent..

check it out here:

alrighty, lets do this.......... bwahahahaa

1. Stupid ass professors. Seriously, the class i just finished a few weeks ago had the stupidest fucking professor on the fucking planet. im sorry, its a graduate level class, do NOT act like we are fucking dumb. do not mark shit off and then expect us to not question it. WTF? ive been doing this shit longer than this mother fucker has been teaching and its just bullshit that he thinks he knows better. and he doesnt even know how to fucking explain something when a question is asked. if he cant compare it to the answers in his teachers guide, well then, hes just screwed, and as the student, so are you. so, heres to you piece of shit instructor.... get a new fucking job!

2. greedy ass ungrateful coworkers. in my last post i mentioned a coworker that wanted the company to pay for the phone that he broke. he is just one tiny little example of the people that work there. it appalls me that people want everything for nothing. what. the. fuck. i mean, the owner is super generous, but come ON. we should all be thanking our lucky ass stars that we all still have jobs and that our paychecks dont bounce. times are hard. the fact that he hasnt laid anyone off or made any other cuts, that should be enough. so hey, you cheap ass mother fuckers.... go spend the $30 damn dollars and fix your damn phone. its bad enough that me, who makes like half (or less than half) what you make gets to approve or deny your expenses. that one??? FAIL fucker.

oh, i could go on, but ill save some for next friday :)

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!! ENJOY THE WEEKEND!!!!!!

What I Meant to Say Wednesday

2010-01-06T11:17:00.001-06:00

I'm totally joining in on Chief's ( over at (Hiding from the Kids) ) Wednesday Meme....

WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WEDNESDAY

--------------------------------------------------

What I said: No, co-worker, the company does NOT pay for your new cell phone when you drop it in the snow and subsequently ruin it.

What I meant to say: No, moron, we dont finance your dumbass mistakes. Im sorry you are a klutz, but I cannot fix that.

--------------------------------------------------

What I said: Ok, no more talking, its ni-night time.

What I meant to say: Please, dear God in heaven, PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEASE make this child go to sleep before i stick a fucking fork in my eye. I need some MOMMY TIME. STAT.

--------------------------------------------------

What I said: Oh, ok, you put up all 4 rod holders? I thought maybe you were just going to put the new one up exactly like the old one was?

What I meant to say: Would it fucking kill you to listen to me??????? I TOLD YOU I wanted it just like the last one. Now I have to redo it myself because the goddamn curtains dont hang where they are supposed to. Told you. Im not as goddamn stupid and inept as you think I am. Just because I'm female does not make me stupid. Especially when we are talking about MY FUCKING HOUSE jagoff...... if you want to fuck up a house, GO HOME and fuck up your own. kthanksbye.

--------------------------------------------------

;)

Happy Humpday Bitches :))

2009 Year in Review.... from Aunt Becky

2010-01-01T20:45:00.002-06:00

Got this from Aunt Becky....

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

I graduated with my MBA in Accounting in April.
I became an aunt for real in June.
I remodeled a bathroom.
I began redecorating a living room.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t do resolutions. I suck like that. ;)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Oh my word, yes. My sister in law, my BFF since 6th grade, and several other friends! Another BFF is due in several weeks, and countless other friends are due within like first quarter 2010.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. Mr. Man’s Grandmother. Someday soon I may write a post about that.

5. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

The willpower to lose this weight and not be such a lardass.

6. What countries did you visit?

Just this one. And the lil make believe land in my head.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:

I got nothing. The year was a fricken blur.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Academically, graduating with my MBA. Personally, I stopped obsessing about marriage. And decided Fuck It. I don’t need it. I am perfectly capable of raising my daughters alone, and strong enough to make them understand that the way I live, is not necessarily whats best. And that I choose to live this way because it is always, always, always better than getting abused by some fucking man.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I yell too much.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Oddly enough, no.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Hmmmmmmmm…….. Probably the billion books I bought this year. Now, 2010 is gonna be a different story… I have a list of shit I’m GONNA get.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My own. See above MBA graduation.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Mr. Man. My 4 year old and her temper.

14. Where did most of your money go?

House payment, car payment, etc etc etc

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The bathroom remodel being done. The living room being repainted (I’ve been waiting for 8 months)

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

I’m not sure. This year does not have a theme song to me.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier. Apathy is a blessing

ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter.

iii. richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Relaxing with my babies.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Yelling. Rushing.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Spent it with the family of course.

21. There was no #21. I don’t know why there was no 21.

I’ll (aunt becky) make up my own question here, then. Hmmm.

Name one random thing that people would be surprised to know about you.

My life is an open book. I got nothing. I have 3 tattoos. How bout that????

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Nope.

23. How many one-night stands?

Zero.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Greys. Biggest Loser. Anything I found the time to actually WATCH.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hmmmmm, no.

26. What was the best book you read?

I cant pick just one. I read probably 200 books this year. I love books.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

That I suck at Guitar Hero????

28. What did you want and get?

My MBA

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

New Moon. Yea, I am one of those. Team Edward. **drool**

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned fucking 30. YUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. And ON my birthday? I went to my parents house. My mom made dinner. Then I went home. And sat on my ass. Lol. The night before my bday I went to the bar with my 2 PREGNANT BFF’s. yes, pregnant. My life is fucking amazing. HA.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More time with my kids. Less time working my freaking ass off.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Whether or not I could squeeze my expanding ass into it.

34. What kept you sane?

The web. For sure.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

None really.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

I stay the HELL out of politics.

37. Whom did you miss?

The ME that isn’t so effing busy. The ME from 2 years ago that weighed 50lbs less. The ME that could relax.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I cant think of anyone I actually *met* this year. The newest people that make me smile? All the hundreds of people in my google reader 

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:

When someone tells you that you can’t do something, the very best thing to do is to prove them gleefully wrong. (sorry, aunt becky, I have GOT to agree here. Hands fucking down.)

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

So,

So what I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm havin more fun
And now that were done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight
-Pink, So What.

apparently im old and no effing fun, but i dont really give a rats ass ;)

2009-12-30T13:47:00.002-06:00

is it wrong that I want to celebrate at MY home for NYE??????

i do not want to pack up myself and 2 children to go spend the night over at Mr. Man's sisters house. on the couch, or the floor, or whatever tiny uncomfortable space they find for me.

im not sure why this is such a fucking problem, but apparently, it is.

too bad, i invited friends to my house. thats where im spending the evening.

i work all day that day.

i do not want to go home, rush around just to drive 45 minutes back the other direction to go stay there.

sorry, i suck like that.

so, now i have no idea if i am kissing Mr. Man at midnight or not, but I do know that when i get ready to pass out into an alcohol induced slumber, it WILL BE in my bed, in my house.

anyway, im gonna have lots of fun & drunken times tomorrow night, and i wish all the same for the rest of you....

as some unknown source says, "I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter???"

amen!

and cheers to you all!!!!!!!!

HAPPY EFFIN NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

365 blog?

2009-12-28T15:59:00.000-06:00

thinkin about doing a 365 project.

yanno... one of those 1 pic a day for 365 days type thingies?

im not sure i could handle it. lol.

anyone out there do them?????? do you actually keep up with em?

also...... do any of the rest of you when you see 365 have the damn "disney 3-6-5" theme run thru your head?
no, just me??? oh that suuuuuuuuucks.

oooooooo, im goin shoppin!!!!!!!

2009-12-28T09:38:00.003-06:00

I'm so excited!!!!!!!

I won one of the $50 off $100 Old Navy coupons from Laurie!!!!!!!

AAAAANNNNNNDDDDDDD, I got a free $50 from gramma for Christmas -- bonus!!!!!

Soooooo....... who has two thumbs and is hittin the Old Navy at lunchtime today?????????

This chick :)

CanNOT wait.... I do so looooooove to shop!!!!

Thanks so much Laurie!!!!! :)

out of the mouths of babes....

2009-12-23T13:07:00.003-06:00

last friday, when we were getting ready to head to E's preschool for her christmas program, she says to me...

"um, mom.... i think you are gonna have to sit in the bwock cenner" (thats block center for anyone that cares)

I say, "ok, well, i will sit where ever Miss J and Miss A tell me too"

she says "well, ok. but mom, i think you will have to sit in one of our chairs. they are small. i think you will break it"

I say " *blink blink*

kid, you are lucky you are so damn cute.

merry christmas all :)

2009-12-22T22:20:00.000-06:00

a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

from me & mine to you and yours!

i laughed...... almost til i peed.

2009-09-29T13:36:00.004-05:00

oh, last night.

the boyfriend arrives at the house. and the conversation that immediately ensues still makes me giggle now.

Me: Foods on the stove

BF: Gonna make me a bowl of chili?

Me: WTF? Are your arms broke? I cooked it. Aint that enough?

BF: Jeeze, ok fine. Get me the cheese & sour cream.

Me: (as I'm getting this stuff out and not really looking at whats there cuz I know where what I'm gettin is at) Good Lord, you arent even gonna taste the damn chili for all the CRAP you put in it.

Me: HAHA not very much sour cream left. Serves you right.

BF: Whats that next to the ranch?

Me: There is no more sour cream.

BF: WHATS NEXT TO THE RANCH?

Me: Did you buy so....... OMG. You did buy me new perfume! Thank you! Now when the fuck did you put that in there? When did you open the fridge? WTF?

BF: Bet you feel like an ass now huh????

Me: laughing so hard I now have to cross my legs. and there is no sound. just shaking, red face, and tears

BF: Go ahead. Pee. You KNOW you wanna. Moms do that sometimes. Come on. Piddle. Right there on the floor. Go on.

Me: still laughing so hard i cant breathe.

BF: Jerk. (walks away and sits down to eat)

...5 minutes later...

Me: Whew. ok, so yea, im kind of a jerk. right on.

BF: Bet you feel like a fucking ass now huh?

Me: No, not really. And its gonna be damned funny to tell this one.

So yea, there ya go, I laughed, almost til i peed.

It was nice, it was like my BF was back to being the awesome guy he was at the beginning....

**sigh**

i need to vent

2009-09-22T08:54:00.003-05:00

i need to vent and its not gonna be pretty. i understand if no one wants to actually read this. lol.

ive been at my job for over 9 years.
i started as a little pee-on secretary, and now im one of the big bitches in the office.
its been a fun journey.
my boss (the owner) has been a really decent boss. he's paid for my tuition to go to school, he paid me short term disability when i was on maternity leave even though he didnt have too, he floated me an advance last year when i was in a bad bind, and countless other things that he has done over the years to just generally make him like one of the best people to work for ever.

but then shit started changing.

i havent had a raise in 3 years.

he piles on more work, and i get zero credit or compensation for it. its not like i need my head patted, but for christ's sake, pay a bitch for what she does, ok?

and this year, he's fucking over everyone.

he took away our short term disability benefit. and its not like that was to save money, cuz he's self insured, so it doesnt cost him anything unless there is a claim.

he increased the deductibles on our insurance, and didnt tell anyone. then he says, well it doesnt matter because the company is picking up the difference anyway (its a HDHP with an HRA). THEN, when he finds out he fucked up and didnt increase the amount with the HRA people, then he says, well, too bad. Employee is on the hook for the difference.

THIS MEANS I NOW HAVE TO PAY $3000 OUT OF MY POCKET EVERY YEAR FOR INSURANCE. not counting drugs, not counting premiums. NO, thats $3k before the insurance picks up a fucking dime. up until july, my out of pocket was only $1500.

in order to get short term disability, i have to have another $60 a month taken out of my pay to purchase an outside plan.

so now working here is costing me more than ever before.

to make matters worse?

i was doing some work research in some of our personnel files looking for something for that asshat i call a boss. i was in the file of the person that did my job before me. and only did maybe 1/4th of the things i have on my job description (no lie).....

THAT MOTHER FUCKER WAS BEING PAID TWICE WHAT I MAKE. twice. and thats just the base salary. with his former salary, i would NET more than i GROSS in a fucking year.

that doesnt include the 5% of annual profits he received as a bonus.
that doesnt include the car the company provided.
that doesnt include the gas the company put in the car.
that doesnt include the insurance on the car the company paid for.
that doesnt include the internet connection he had at home that the company paid for.
that doesnt include any of the other perks this asshole received.

and i have 3x the amount of education in this field than that fucker had.

im so pissed off about the things going on in this place right now, its all i can do not to cry sitting at my desk.

i feel like all im getting is shit on.

i know the grass isnt always greener on the otherside, but COME ON, fair pay for equal work much??????

jeezus.

ok, sorry for laying that on ya. but, fuck. i had to get it out somewhere.

to anyone still reading.... thanks. wuv you. :)

conversations with a 4 year old...

2009-09-15T10:36:00.003-05:00

the other morning on the way to drop my children off for the day, we were discussing a trip to the movies we had made back in April.

see, my kids remember odd shit at random. its quite amusing...... SOMETIMES, not all the time. luckily this is one of those times its hilarious.

anyway, they are talking about the candy they had and where they sat and what movie it was.

E (my 4 year old) says: But mom, I didnt want to sit up at the top.

Me: E, we didn't sit at the top for that movie. We sat at the top when we went to see 17 again.

E: ooohhhhhhh. And WHY did we go see *DAT* movie?

Me: Because it had your boyfriend Zac Effron in it.

E: OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH. He is soooooooooo HAAWWWTTT.

M: OMG E, you are only FOUR!!!

E: What?!?!?! He so IS Mom. WEALLY.

a few minutes pass.

E: Mom, sewiouswy, I just wanted to jump wite in dat movie and kiss him. For weal. I did.

At this point, Im just totally dumbfounded and lack the skills to form a complete sentence. I just say "Oh My" and leave it at that.

I really wish I would have had the camera with me at that moment to capture the "for weal" face. Cuz, seriously, it really really puts an ! at the end of it.

Oh. My.

I'm so screwed being the single mother of 2 girls. Especially when they hit puberty and become TEENAGERS.

oy.

30.... ick. seriously?!?!?!?!

2009-09-09T21:22:00.005-05:00

yea, so in about 65 days i turn 30.

im so not happy about this, i dont even have the words to describe it.

like, stupid shit...

ill have to check the 30-35 box.
im no longer "in my twenties"
im like an adult, for real (nevermind that ive been a mom since before i hit 20, or that ive owned a house for 4 years by myself thankyouverymuch, or that ive been in the same job for 9 years, or any of that other grown up shit)

i feel like i totally dont have shit together and that im totally not prepared to be THIRTY.

god, i can remember being my daughters age and thinking 30 was SO OLD.

guess what... that hasnt changed! LMAO just kidding.

but, jeeze.

ive accomplished quite a bit in my life, but i somehow, dont feel like ive done quite enough.

ive got 2 beautiful kids.
i fought their piece of shit father tooth and nail, legally, until i won and got whats best for them
i put myself through college as a single mom
i finished college and got an AS, BBA, and an MBA
i went BACK to school and am working on 2 post-grad certificates
ive been with the same company for 9 years and worked my way up from the lowest secretary on the payroll to being in charge of a whole lot of shit and even get to act as "president" when big man is incognito
i bought my own house, and its a nice house
i have KICK ASS friends
i think i have mostly been able to keep my kids stable and sane

i know most people dont get that much crap done in their 20's. especially not most single moms.

and i know, im being totally STUPID.

but, WTF. i cant seem to stop obsessing over the fact that ill be THIRTY. ugh.

maybe its NOT that... maybe its just that my oldest child is gonna be TEN. TEN. like a whole freakin decade old. i swear it was just yesterday i was ejecting her 9lb 3oz ass outta my netherregions.

gah.

ok, im done now ;)

funnier shit tomorrow. i hope. lol.

i think i can, i think i can, i think i can....

2009-08-03T11:10:00.003-05:00

i know, i know, i sound like that annoying ass choo choo train (yes, im a grown ass woman that said choo choo train instead of just train. whats your point???).

but, seriously, i have to get it thru my thick skull one way or another.

i have to get off my ever expanding ass and work the fuck out again. i HAVE to.

june / july 2008 --- i was the smallest i had been in my life at about a buck 70. yea, i didnt even weigh that little in friggen high school.

somehow, flashback to NOW.... yea, fucking scale saying bad bad things to me.

so i had to destroy it with a large sledge hammer and lots of screaming and saying "LIIAAAARRRRRRR" but whatev.....

so seriously, last year, my dad had a heart attack. shortly after i happened to go in for a check up, BP happened to be high that day, went for bloodwork and ta-da find out i have high cholesterol. yea. thats right. i was 28.

so my doc tells me to start exercising, take my pill, and lose weight. tells me to eat 1000 cals a day. gives me basically a speeder to help me on my journey.

apparently the stars were aligned JUST SO back then, because i started working out that day, ate 1000 calories and dropped literally 25lbs in about a month.

i looked great, i felt great, life was good.

i have no fucking idea what happened. i cant put my finger on it.

but somehow, ive gone back to size 14/16. i look like shit, i feel like shit, and UGH. i cant seem to find the motivation to DO anything about it.

im even postponing my annual doctor trip because i dont wanna hear her bitch at me. cuz i KNOW IM WRONG.

wtf???

oh, and did i mention that my dad had another heart attack this year? (hes fine). and that while its opening HIS eyes to what he should do in life (he leaves on a 3 week cross country motorcycle tour next week! yay him!!!)..... im still all "meh, whatev. its not me".

yea, again i say WTF?????

so, i did get off my ass yesterday, though, and do a workout dvd. im hoping i can stick with it for 30 days. thats all im going for right now. its the 30 day shred dvd, and i wanna do the 30 days.

fuck, id be happy at this point if i can do 7. ive done 5 here and there, but i havent made it past that in God knows how long. so, hey, 7 days. then 7 more. right????

but, seriously, where can i find the damn motivation and determination to JUST DO IT??????? i know how good it feels, i know its something i need to do to ensure im here for my kids, i know all the common sense crap.

but how do i stop shutting that bitch up and listening to her??????

eeeeeeekkkkkk....... ok, its lunch time now... today im gonna try something different that i havent done in a year. im not going to eat. im going to go WALK on the bike trail instead of just sit in the parking lot watching them while i read a book and eat a big fat steak and cheese sub. YEA!!!!!

wish me luck ok?????????

GOD IS GREAT, BEER IS GOOD......AND PEOPLE ARE CRAZY

2009-07-21T12:48:00.002-05:00

um, AMEN.

man-eater...

2009-07-20T20:14:00.005-05:00

ive been dating my boyfriend for like 3 and a half years.

it started off beautifully. but now, not so much.

i let him embed himself in my life & my kids' lives. thinking that he would step up to the plate and be man and make full commitment to me & them - to be a husband and a father.

but, now, im not thinking so.

we've argued about it, and im tired of arguing.

im bitter.

im a bitch.

and it just grates on my nerves all the time.

how can you sit there and "act" like a dad, but yet not be willing to actually make a commitment to these 2 kids that you CLAIM to love?

WTF????

im thinking that im about to pull the plug on the whole operation.

im tired of waiting.

im tired of being an outsider.

im just fucking tired.

and my kids??? they deserve fucking better.

anyone got advice???? whatcha think????

random ass stuff...

2009-07-20T20:07:00.004-05:00

random shit is running thru my head...

i really need to mow my yard

i wonder if my doc would give me antidepressants

i wonder if i actually NEED them, or if im being a big ol sissy ass

my 4 year old kills me. she fancies herself married to another 4 year old boy at the sitters house.
i think someone paid my internet bill... cuz it didnt work last week, and i KNOW i havent paid it....
my best friend is awesome.

im so glad her pregnancy is healthy & that the heartbeat was heard today!!!!

i cant wait til all of my prego friends have their babies. i need a baby fix.

i need money.

i really need to find a lucrative way to work from home and spend more time with the kids.

damn daycare is expensive.

i wish my boyfriend wasnt an ass. seriously, is commitment THAT fucking difficult?

wait, do i even WANT that commitment????

ugh.

i want some grape salad.

i need a life.

people, in general, suck.

im still blown away by the fact that my boss's kid (who is an employee) was playing with a fucking bouncy ball in the fucking office. WTF.

and sooooooooooo much more....

TMI THURSDAY....i dont know....but she's pretty....

2009-07-09T09:55:00.006-05:00

***Alright, folks, you know LiLu’s rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

The most MORTIFYING moment in my life....

I had been seeing a guy for a few months... We went out and got F'd up big time one night.... Went back to his house (read: his parents house where he lived in the basement), and, ahem, proceeded to get our freak on ALLLLLL night long (gotta love alcohol induced sex)…

Anyway, after an hour or two of sleep, we wake up and are gettin all crazy-like again.

The door to his room is open.

His parents are up.

Oh no, just wait, it gets better.

Just as its about to get really fun, we hear someone on the stairs.

Its his MOM.

And she just walks right on in…

So here I am covered with nothing but a sheet, look like a totally hot mess after a night of monkey sex and drinking, trying to hide under a pillow…. While she stands next to the bed RUBBING MY LEG and talking to her son.

Oh, lets make matters worse shall we???

The phone rings, she answers, its his SISTER.

(note: we had gone out drinking with his sister a few weeks prior to that, and had an absolute BALL. So, shes familiar with me…)

So as his mom stands there next to the bed (still rubbing my leg) talking to his sister on the phone and him laying there… the following conversation goes on:

Mom: “oh hi sis. Im not doing much. Just standing here in brothers room. He has a girl in his bed”

Sister says something to the effect of, “a girl??? Who is she???”

Mom: “oh, I have no idea yet, but shes really pretty”

That sound you hear right now?? Yea, that’s me……… DYING.

To which Mister Man responds “tell her its kitty in bed with me” (kitty being the nickname I earned for drinking like a fish the night we went out with his sister ala Kitty Dukakis).

So yea, now, the man, sister & mom proceed to talk about me and who I am, like im not even there…. Which, I preferably would NOT have been, given a choice.

Three and a half years later, its still a story for family parties

mom... mom... mom... mommy.... mom....

2009-06-22T18:47:00.003-05:00

i had a candle party once...

one of my guests was my boyfriend's sister. another guest was his mother.

the sister is 38.

but, sitting, oh, i dont know........ maybe 10 feet apart from each other, you would have thought she was FRICKEN TWO.

for like 5 minutes, while Moms was having a convo with someone else, ol Sister is all "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom...."

i could NOT freakin believe it.

kinda reminded me of this:

yea. WTF.

some people should NOT be allowed to breed

2009-05-21T22:37:00.004-05:00

so i have 2 kids right... love them to pieces, they are absolutely my life.

they both have the same dad.

dad (aka sperm donor) is a LOOOOOSER.... i myself was a total fucking moron for ever getting involved, but since i have beautiful babies, we'll just move right on past that...

so anyhoo.....

my babies are 9.5 and 4. and 1.5 years ago sperm donor decided to sign off his rights on the kids. seriously. i had to have a family member "adopt" them so that this POS could walk away free and clear....

yea.

so much the better for us, honestly, but still... who DOES that???

oh, and the best part? yea, he has 3 kids older than my two, and another one YOUNGER.

yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa....

i just found out about that #6 (for those not counting...) the other day, thru the wonderful world of myspace...

i was floored. though, not really surprised. now, i just totally realize that it really WAS all about the money and the skank bitch he was cheating on me with.

sweet right???

oh well, eventually the karma train will run his ass the hell over, and i will sit back and laugh...