30.... ick. seriously?!?!?!?!

yea, so in about 65 days i turn 30.

im so not happy about this, i dont even have the words to describe it.

like, stupid shit...

ill have to check the 30-35 box.
im no longer "in my twenties"
im like an adult, for real (nevermind that ive been a mom since before i hit 20, or that ive owned a house for 4 years by myself thankyouverymuch, or that ive been in the same job for 9 years, or any of that other grown up shit)

i feel like i totally dont have shit together and that im totally not prepared to be THIRTY.

god, i can remember being my daughters age and thinking 30 was SO OLD.

guess what... that hasnt changed! LMAO just kidding.

but, jeeze.

ive accomplished quite a bit in my life, but i somehow, dont feel like ive done quite enough.

ive got 2 beautiful kids.
i fought their piece of shit father tooth and nail, legally, until i won and got whats best for them
i put myself through college as a single mom
i finished college and got an AS, BBA, and an MBA
i went BACK to school and am working on 2 post-grad certificates
ive been with the same company for 9 years and worked my way up from the lowest secretary on the payroll to being in charge of a whole lot of shit and even get to act as "president" when big man is incognito
i bought my own house, and its a nice house
i have KICK ASS friends
i think i have mostly been able to keep my kids stable and sane

i know most people dont get that much crap done in their 20's. especially not most single moms.

and i know, im being totally STUPID.

but, WTF. i cant seem to stop obsessing over the fact that ill be THIRTY. ugh.

maybe its NOT that... maybe its just that my oldest child is gonna be TEN. TEN. like a whole freakin decade old. i swear it was just yesterday i was ejecting her 9lb 3oz ass outta my netherregions.

gah.

ok, im done now ;)

funnier shit tomorrow. i hope. lol.