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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

i laughed...... almost til i peed.

oh, last night.

the boyfriend arrives at the house. and the conversation that immediately ensues still makes me giggle now.

Me: Foods on the stove

BF: Gonna make me a bowl of chili?

Me: WTF? Are your arms broke? I cooked it. Aint that enough?

BF: Jeeze, ok fine. Get me the cheese & sour cream.

Me: (as I'm getting this stuff out and not really looking at whats there cuz I know where what I'm gettin is at) Good Lord, you arent even gonna taste the damn chili for all the CRAP you put in it.

Me: HAHA not very much sour cream left. Serves you right.

BF: Whats that next to the ranch?

Me: There is no more sour cream.


Me: Did you buy so....... OMG. You did buy me new perfume! Thank you! Now when the fuck did you put that in there? When did you open the fridge? WTF?

BF: Bet you feel like an ass now huh????

Me: laughing so hard I now have to cross my legs. and there is no sound. just shaking, red face, and tears

BF: Go ahead. Pee. You KNOW you wanna. Moms do that sometimes. Come on. Piddle. Right there on the floor. Go on.

Me: still laughing so hard i cant breathe.

BF: Jerk. (walks away and sits down to eat)

...5 minutes later...

Me: Whew. ok, so yea, im kind of a jerk. right on.

BF: Bet you feel like a fucking ass now huh?

Me: No, not really. And its gonna be damned funny to tell this one.

So yea, there ya go, I laughed, almost til i peed.

It was nice, it was like my BF was back to being the awesome guy he was at the beginning....


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

i need to vent

i need to vent and its not gonna be pretty. i understand if no one wants to actually read this. lol.

ive been at my job for over 9 years.
i started as a little pee-on secretary, and now im one of the big bitches in the office.
its been a fun journey.
my boss (the owner) has been a really decent boss. he's paid for my tuition to go to school, he paid me short term disability when i was on maternity leave even though he didnt have too, he floated me an advance last year when i was in a bad bind, and countless other things that he has done over the years to just generally make him like one of the best people to work for ever.

but then shit started changing.

i havent had a raise in 3 years.

he piles on more work, and i get zero credit or compensation for it. its not like i need my head patted, but for christ's sake, pay a bitch for what she does, ok?

and this year, he's fucking over everyone.

he took away our short term disability benefit. and its not like that was to save money, cuz he's self insured, so it doesnt cost him anything unless there is a claim.

he increased the deductibles on our insurance, and didnt tell anyone. then he says, well it doesnt matter because the company is picking up the difference anyway (its a HDHP with an HRA). THEN, when he finds out he fucked up and didnt increase the amount with the HRA people, then he says, well, too bad. Employee is on the hook for the difference.

THIS MEANS I NOW HAVE TO PAY $3000 OUT OF MY POCKET EVERY YEAR FOR INSURANCE. not counting drugs, not counting premiums. NO, thats $3k before the insurance picks up a fucking dime. up until july, my out of pocket was only $1500.

in order to get short term disability, i have to have another $60 a month taken out of my pay to purchase an outside plan.

so now working here is costing me more than ever before.

to make matters worse?

i was doing some work research in some of our personnel files looking for something for that asshat i call a boss. i was in the file of the person that did my job before me. and only did maybe 1/4th of the things i have on my job description (no lie).....

THAT MOTHER FUCKER WAS BEING PAID TWICE WHAT I MAKE. twice. and thats just the base salary. with his former salary, i would NET more than i GROSS in a fucking year.

that doesnt include the 5% of annual profits he received as a bonus.
that doesnt include the car the company provided.
that doesnt include the gas the company put in the car.
that doesnt include the insurance on the car the company paid for.
that doesnt include the internet connection he had at home that the company paid for.
that doesnt include any of the other perks this asshole received.

and i have 3x the amount of education in this field than that fucker had.

im so pissed off about the things going on in this place right now, its all i can do not to cry sitting at my desk.

i feel like all im getting is shit on.

i know the grass isnt always greener on the otherside, but COME ON, fair pay for equal work much??????


ok, sorry for laying that on ya. but, fuck. i had to get it out somewhere.

to anyone still reading.... thanks. wuv you. :)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

conversations with a 4 year old...

the other morning on the way to drop my children off for the day, we were discussing a trip to the movies we had made back in April.

see, my kids remember odd shit at random. its quite amusing...... SOMETIMES, not all the time. luckily this is one of those times its hilarious.

anyway, they are talking about the candy they had and where they sat and what movie it was.

E (my 4 year old) says: But mom, I didnt want to sit up at the top.

Me: E, we didn't sit at the top for that movie. We sat at the top when we went to see 17 again.

E: ooohhhhhhh. And WHY did we go see *DAT* movie?

Me: Because it had your boyfriend Zac Effron in it.


M: OMG E, you are only FOUR!!!

E: What?!?!?! He so IS Mom. WEALLY.

a few minutes pass.

E: Mom, sewiouswy, I just wanted to jump wite in dat movie and kiss him. For weal. I did.

At this point, Im just totally dumbfounded and lack the skills to form a complete sentence. I just say "Oh My" and leave it at that.

I really wish I would have had the camera with me at that moment to capture the "for weal" face. Cuz, seriously, it really really puts an ! at the end of it.

Oh. My.

I'm so screwed being the single mother of 2 girls. Especially when they hit puberty and become TEENAGERS.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

30.... ick. seriously?!?!?!?!

yea, so in about 65 days i turn 30.

im so not happy about this, i dont even have the words to describe it.

like, stupid shit...

ill have to check the 30-35 box.
im no longer "in my twenties"
im like an adult, for real (nevermind that ive been a mom since before i hit 20, or that ive owned a house for 4 years by myself thankyouverymuch, or that ive been in the same job for 9 years, or any of that other grown up shit)

i feel like i totally dont have shit together and that im totally not prepared to be THIRTY.

god, i can remember being my daughters age and thinking 30 was SO OLD.

guess what... that hasnt changed! LMAO just kidding.

but, jeeze.

ive accomplished quite a bit in my life, but i somehow, dont feel like ive done quite enough.

ive got 2 beautiful kids.
i fought their piece of shit father tooth and nail, legally, until i won and got whats best for them
i put myself through college as a single mom
i finished college and got an AS, BBA, and an MBA
i went BACK to school and am working on 2 post-grad certificates
ive been with the same company for 9 years and worked my way up from the lowest secretary on the payroll to being in charge of a whole lot of shit and even get to act as "president" when big man is incognito
i bought my own house, and its a nice house
i have KICK ASS friends
i think i have mostly been able to keep my kids stable and sane

i know most people dont get that much crap done in their 20's. especially not most single moms.

and i know, im being totally STUPID.

but, WTF. i cant seem to stop obsessing over the fact that ill be THIRTY. ugh.

maybe its NOT that... maybe its just that my oldest child is gonna be TEN. TEN. like a whole freakin decade old. i swear it was just yesterday i was ejecting her 9lb 3oz ass outta my netherregions.


ok, im done now ;)

funnier shit tomorrow. i hope. lol.